As we grow and change, there are things that no longer serve us.
The season of surrender feels like an opportunity to explore.
To seek and realize what’s important and what can be kicked out the door.
This season of letting go, and one of holding on.
In the summer of 2022, I was all prepared to send my soon-to-be preschooler to preschool. I had big plans for what my business could finally be once I had the free time and no small kids around. Or maybe get that Master’s Degree I looked at while I had free babysitting.
Instead, sitting in our van on a road trip home from Maryland, I nervously whispered to my husband, “I think God wants us to homeschool” as I shared the stirring discontent in my spirit.
He looked over at me and said with cautious excitement, “I’ve been praying for that.”
With school starting in less than two months, I spent the rest of our 18-hour drive researching a life direction I reluctantly was going into, out of obedience to what I knew God was telling us to do. Traditional school was no longer serving our kids, so it was time to move into this new season. The kids were what was important.
It was time to let go of my desires and surrender my hopes and dreams of what could be, for what would be in this new season.
In the last three years since that definitive moment, I’ve greatly pulled back from my coaching business, writing, and podcasting. I continue to wrestle with wanting to do more in my business, but only having so much capacity. My time and brain are divided as I spend my days teaching, and my nights on YouTube, figuring out how to teach sixth-grade math so my son and I understand it better. I’ve had to let go of what I can’t do, and focus on what capacity I have on what is most important to my family and me.
Capacity is an ironic thing, I’ve discovered. It’s like instant oatmeal. How much can we fit into a bowl when there’s only so much room for cooking in the microwave? If there’s not enough extra space, it overflows, leaving me another mess to clean up. So while it seems like there’s enough room, that’s not always the case. How do I know? Sadly, I’ve experienced this a time or two. I think it will all fit, only to have a gloppy mess as I mix in the topics or a bit of extra protein. It’s not ideal, and it’s not worth the mess to try and fit it all in.
As with the oatmeal, I’ve experienced this in real life, too. The first year of homeschooling was challenging, as I didn’t understand how much time and energy it would take. Moving into a new season brings an adjustment period. Not just for me, but the kids too. Supporting them and helping them with their mindset was something new I had to learn. I had my proverbial bowl overflow a few times as I figured out what worked for me.
Praise the Lord, I only double-booked us once or twice, but there were days I rushed driving from one place to another, because I thought I could squeeze something in. Lesson learned – margin needs to happen. I try hard not to do that anymore.
Or, rookie mistake was not giving myself time to rest and refuel. Once I had recognized this and communicated my need for downtime to my husband, he was quick to support me and give me time to relax. In the beginning, it felt selfish to take that time, and sometimes it still does, but I understand how I need to have my own time. Call me an old lady, but my ideal night is pajamas in bed at 8:00 pm.
Understanding my capacity keeps me from burnout and overwhelm. In each season, there are ebbs and flows to the amount of capacity a person has. As a homeschooling, business-owning mom, my bowl is fairly full. Margin is a key element to this, as having extra time in between activities allows flexible space when unexpected things come up. That margin is also beneficial when working through the mental and emotional shifts that come with a new season, not just for me, but for the kids as well.
Time passing by allows us to see things differently. As I grew in my homeschool mom life, I quickly learned it’s okay to mourn the changes and be sad, while simultaneously sitting in the tension of being grateful for this season. I can be both sad and grateful. They’re not exclusive emotions. I get to walk alongside my kids while they learn.
While I grieved my lost business time, I had to kneel and surrender, to stop fighting the change, and instead move forward into my new season and role. I had to accept the gift I was given – time. Time to be with my kids and to share this season with them.
I started my business to have more time with my kids. Homeschooling gives me the time to cherish those moments with my kids that I so desperately wanted before we started. And by cherish, I mean learning to enjoy the days I’m ready to rip my hair out, and the days when everyone dutifully studies. One of the best things is teaching my youngest, who cuddles as I teach him to read. Cue the cuteness and endorphins. I’ve learned so much in the last three years, and I know I’m not done learning yet, as homeschooling seems to be a forever learning experience. I’m moving forward, letting go of the things that no longer serve us, and holding tight to the goodness of this season.
No matter what your season is – holding on or letting go,
Take what you’ve learned and move forward,
Embracing each moment,
With joy and gratitude, following where God leads
Trusting him as you go.
This post is part of a blog hop with author Lindsay Swoboda in support of her book Holding On and Letting Go: A Life in Motion. (This is an affiliate link. By ordering through this link, at no cost to you, you help support my family, myself, and my mission of equipping business-owning moms to thrive. Thank you.)
Click here to view the next post in the series from Amber Cook.
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